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Humility - The key to retaining friendships

One of the main reasons we climb mountains is the idea that reaching the top will have us basking in the triumph of having succeeded in claiming our prize of an awe-inspiring view. Sometimes you find yourself being the one who encourages others to keep climbing with the goal of standing right there at the top with you to take beautiful pictures of your success.

What we always neglect to share about our mountain-climbing endeavours, however, is the trip down. Sure, you were way up there and saw all those nice things and have a really cool picture. But you still had to climb all the way down. And we all know the climbing down part is often harder than getting up there in the first place.

What also struck me is that the climbing down part is so much shorter than the climbing up part. And we often misinterpret things that take up less amount of time as being easy.

I suppose that our daily aspirations work in very much the same way. We run towards things that we think will give us freedom and grant us success. And we run without hesitation because there is no shame in dreaming big and aiming high and hoping for the best.

But nobody likes the person who continually drowns his friends in his abilities and his success. Sure you’re amazing and you've achieved incredible things. But humbleness is a little piece of success in itself.

This is an outcry.

I am asking you with sincere emotion to carry your success with a healthy balance of pride and humility. Invest in your friends as equals who have yet to reach your level of ambition. And encourage them to pursue their talents.

But be humble doing it.

Society

I've recently decided to grow my nails. Never really paying much attention to them, I always cut my nails short to avoid the hassle. Now the look of long nails has grown on me and I even went to the trouble of painting them pink. I must admit they make me feel kind of sophisticated. But pretty as they are, they have really turned most of my everyday tasks into frustrating little chores.

Typing this is quite the hassle. Playing piano defeats the entire purpose of creating beautiful sounds as my nails constantly click click click on the keys. Doing up buttons and handling key chains and putting in contact lenses are all such tough things right now because I’m so adamant at having long, pretty, cutexed nails. The hassle that goes hand in hand with having them has, over the past few days, made me rethink this unnecessary addition to the frustrations of life.

As my mind wandered in the midst of my piano playing, it came to light how many lame and unnecessary things we have and do in life that really just make it harder. And then my thoughts dwelled deeper into how the trivialities we consider important realistically have no true value in life. In turn, I started thinking about how we always try to please people with little things like polished cutlery and fancy teacups. How we try to impress others with new cars and base our personal value on the materialistic things we think other people care about. How some people only drink expensive wine or think themselves too fancy to eat at Wimpy and never walk barefoot because the pedicure they just had was so expensive.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid. When the only problem I ever had was the fact that my mother dressed me in long-sleeved shirts on sunny days. And when the biggest decision I had to make was deciding which tree to climb. Then I remember that even today’s kids are subjected to the materialistic ideal of having the coolest toys and sporting the best brands and calling from the most expensive cellphone because they've been raised in a society where what you have is more important than who you are.

So I am cutting my nails. I am choosing to live simply. I choose to believe that the best way to survive in this world is to be happy with ourselves instead of basing our happiness on what we possess. To wake up in the morning and drive a normal car to a normal job and be happy doing it. Because it’s more important to be who we really are than to expend all our energy on pretending to be something we think they want us to be.

Listen to this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy6iwP9Ux3A

If it were all different...

You wonder what it would’ve been like if you'd made different choices. If you followed different paths. If you

studied something completely different. If you became an artist. Or a musician. If you made different friends and went to different parties and met other interesting people.

You wonder what it would’ve been like if you never broke off the relationship based on incoherent ideas of a future with someone smarter or richer who would make prettier babies. You wonder what would’ve happened if you actually went on that coffee date. If you went to that party. If you kept that weird friend. You wonder what it would’ve been like if you’d upped your standards. If you left someone despite losing the comfort. If you got rid of that subversive friend because you didn’t mind being alone. If you never took the blame for something just to avoid an argument. And never subconsciously started blaming yourself because you believed you did something wrong. If you stood up for yourself despite the punches and scorn for not being like everyone else.

You wonder who you would've become if you were willing to take the risk. If you decided to escape mediocrity. If you spent all your savings to chase what you wanted. If you ran the extra mile. If you sacrificed everything for that one thing that could change everything.

Because hell is when we look back during that fraction of a second and know that we wasted an opportunity to dignify the miracle of life. Even those who didn't do what they could've done... they had their punishment while they were alive by being unhappy...

Universal Human Dissatisfaction

Let’s talk about universal human dissatisfaction. Let’s enunciate the fact that people care about their own happiness too much sometimes to make sacrifices or go the extra mile to serve the happiness of another. Let’s admit for a second that none of us are truly happy enough with our own lives to give up an ounce of that for someone else’s. We’ve all done it. We’re all guilty. But are we ever going to reach a point where we put ourselves second? Where we look past ourselves and sacrifice a little? I’m not talking about spending a week in a township or volunteering to make sandwiches for a meet with the underprivileged. I’m talking about human to human, heart to heart sacrifice… True, sincere caring.

I’ve spent days trying to make peace with this and have concluded that there is just no getting around it. We live for ourselves and that is that. Someone upsets you, you walk away. Someone disappoints you, you walk away. Someone hurts you, you vent. And then you walk away. Because in the end, it’s all about self-preservation. If you’re not looking out for yourself, who will?

The other side of this conversation then goes to self-preservation… which we are all entitled to. I respect your need to care for your own happiness. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Stand up for yourself. Fight for what you want. I am all about sharing likes and dislikes to people’s faces. Leave people behind to serve your ideal. This is your life and you might as well be happy enduring it.

But then you meet these individuals who are the exact opposite of that. Parents, for one… My mother would totally sacrifice the last piece of cake for me. My dad would drive kilometers on end because I locked my keys in my car. Work their fingers to the bone to pay my university bills. I also recently met a lady who exhausted all options to help me achieve something that serves no gain for her at all. I don’t believe I deserve any of it. I didn’t do anything to gain her confidence or trust in me and yet her kindness fell onto my plate and I am filled to the brim with blessings. Maybe, now, it’s my turn to turn the tables. The random act of kindness ball just bounced into my court. I have no ball sense but I guess life sort of threw this responsibility into my face and I have to fulfill it. The hardest choice in this matter, I’d say, is deciding who I feel deserves it.

After all the disappointments I had with friendships and people in general throughout my short and tragic life, I am in all honesty at a loss for who deserves the joy ball. I could legitimately count the number of people who have done right by me on one hand. And then I’d probably have to cut off a finger too. Is that my fault because I’ve worried too much about myself, or is it yours for doing the same thing in your own life? Vicious circle?

Choose people who you know would sacrifice for you. Choose people who would endure your faults. People who would laugh with you about your shortcomings. Your lack of skill. Or your absolute failure in karaoke. Because those are the people you, yourself, would sacrifice for. You give what you get and you get what you give and the circle is infinite. Don’t settle for less. You know what you want and you know what you deserve. If you’re willing to do it for them, be sure to know they’d be willing to do it for you. That is where you will find your people. 

What Metallica taught me

Metallica. I guess the first thing that comes to mind when I read or hear or say Metallica is, in all honesty, bad hair, Enter Sandman and scary Mexicans. I went to their concert this week and left there thinking that Metallica is one of the coolest things to have happened to this planet. They started this ideal when they were 16 years old. And despite the trouble with all the bass players and despite the fact that, today, they are actually old grandpas jumping around to heavy rock, they still play every show like it’s their first. And they’re still as awesome as they were 3 decades ago.

I’m 23 years old and I can’t even stay up after midnight these days. My work schedule and my responsibilities have me thinking that my life has been set out and I might as well start flirting around, find a husband and get a-breedin’. I should probably save up, get an apartment and join a medical aid scheme with retirement benefits and a funeral plan. I find myself settling my mind on doing what I’m doing now for the rest of my life. And then I see these old men bouncing on stage and my entire viewpoint switches. They've been living the dream for about 33 years. And still, after every show, the four of them lock arms, wave at the crowd, and smile with pride and in awe of the effect they have had on thousands of people that night.

So why am I still sitting in this office running towards a mediocre life? Why do I get home every night and look at pictures of the world on pinterest if I could be out there exploring it? Why do I lock my mind on a stable life if the unstable ones are so much more exciting and fulfilling and enriching? I’ll tell you why.

Because we are born and raised in a world with tunnel vision. And the light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train ready to hit you with responsibilities and disappointments. Because we live in a world where experience trumps education. Where getting ahead is only possible when you have the connections. And where making a true success is dependent entirely on your own creative skill and perseverance and commitment. So right now, the world is my oyster and I am gonna eat it. No matter how nauseating and downright disgusting it is.

The darkest hour will only come if we refuse to flower the light that has always burnt bright inside us. So decide, what would you die for? Then live every moment of your life like you were born into this life just to save it. There has never been a bomb built that could wilt the petals of your power when you allow yourself to bloom. When you bloom, there will be no room for anything else. So you’ve been curled up and sad? Good. Depression is the first blessing. It means you’ve been in tune. But now the moon is waiting for you to burn bright and there has never been a time when your light was needed more. Never a time like this before. – Andrea Gibson

Wat ek geleer het

Oos Wes Tuis Bes. Daar waar jy jou wortels gevestig het en jou lewe gebou het is waar jy hoort. Al is daar aspekte van jou lewe wat seermaak of frustreer, is en sal daai plek altyd die plek wees waar jy die mees oorspronklike jy kan wees.

Moenie probeer om van jou probleme af weg te hardloop nie. Ek het altyd gedink dat as ek die dag begin toer, ek nie sommer weer huistoe sal gaan nie. Daar is soveel negatiewe denke geheg aan my lewe in Durbanville en Stellenbosch, maar die negatiewe aspekte is dié wat die positiewes so wonderlik maak, en hulle so laat uitstyg bo die res. Swaarkry is deel van die lewe. Dit maak nie saak waar jy is, saam met wie jy is, of wie jy probeer wees nie. Die lewe gaan nooit net ‘n reguit paadjie wees nie.

Ek het geleer dat bestaan dieselfde is waar jy ookal gaan. Jy mag dalk in ‘n ander kultuur instap waar hul ‘n ander taal praat en ander tradisies het, maar die lewe verskil nie sommer van plek tot plek nie. Kinders is nog steeds ongehoorsaam, ouers is nog steeds moedeloos, en water les nog steeds jou dors.

Ek het geleer dat planne nie altyd uitwerk nie. Vliegtuie is laat, visa-aansoeke is gekompliseerd, en ‘n mens word nie onvoorwaardelik welkom geheet in vreemde lande nie. Duitsers is onherroeplik mislik. Italianers het geen etiket as dit kom by sypaadjie-wandelinge nie, en op ‘n reënerige dag in Milan moet jy liewers by die huis bly. Italianers met sambrele is net gevaarlik.

As jy geluk gevind het, klou hand en voet daaraan vas. Ek praat nie van geluk in werksomstandighede of liefdesverhoudings of ander sosiale vreugdes nie. Ek praat van die geluk wat ‘n mens vind as jy tevrede is met jouself. My laaste paar weke in Kaapstad was van die bestes van my lewe omdat ek vrede gemaak het met die swaarkry waardeur die lewe my gestuur het. Ek het daai swaarkry gevat, dit in ‘n handvol kerswas omskep, by ‘n vuur gaan staan, en daai kerswas verdraai tot in ‘n bolletjie vreugde.

Ek het ‘n vriend gemaak wat my gewys het dat die lewe ‘n fees is. Hy het my geleer dat elke dag ‘n nuwe geleentheid is om geluk te vind, en dat die klein en onopmerklike aspekte van die lewe eintlik die ongelooflikste effek kan hê. Ek het geleer dat trane nie altyd uit smart ontstaan nie. Dat berge en waterstrome met ons kan praat as ons luister. En dat ‘n glas wyn nie ‘n ontsnappingspoging is nie, maar eerder die pad na ‘n ontwaking – ‘n kans om jou oë oop te maak, uit die bed uit op te staan en albei voete stewig in die aarde te plant met die wete dat jou tydelike bestaan ware waarde dra.

Just like that.

Sometimes, life just sucks. And it isn’t necessarily the by-product of a personal choice, self pity, or the unnecessary enunciation of a disappointing event. Sometimes, it just downright sucks.

I think the worst thing for most people to face is the fact that this entire phenomenon is pretty much inevitable. Life isn’t always fun and it isn’t always pretty. But what frustrates me to infinite degrees is when these “most people” trample any remnants of joy left in those around them in an attempt to improve their own mood. That they should poison the flowery fields of bliss in order to cultivate their own alien plants instills in me such disappointment, I doubt the day I discovered our family’s ginger gene could ever compare.

Perhaps my hypocrisy shines through in the fact that being permanently joyous is not a talent I myself possess. Digging yourself a hole in which you can cry and brood is easy. And occasionally, it's okay to be sad. But I actually just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. Or ever again. So I changed…. Just. Like. That.

It's comforting to know that once you have seen the dark side of things, you experience the light in a completely new way. Sometimes having been to the other side allows for a more optimal experience of true joy. 

Water, is taught by thirst.
Land - by the Oceans passed.
Transport - by throe -
Peace - by its battles told -
Love, by Memorial Mold -
Birds, by the Snow.
                                         -Emily Dickinson, 1859

It is the day you discover what you have been missing that will enlighten your entire soul. It is the day you decide that you actually want to live and really experience what life has to offer, that you will discover that all there is, is you taking control of what you know you deserve from life. Become nestled in the prospect of immersing your life in something beautiful, and it will serve as a freedom from everything of the everyday that makes life suck just a little. 

What if I find something that I like more?

It’s always fulfilling to find something you like – something that makes you want to wake up early so you can pursue it. Or makes you stay up until early because it’s even cooler than sleeping. And it’s always fun to do. And it makes you feel less trapped in some way because it’s like an escape from the everyday things.

When we’re in school we’re told that Maths and Science and Accounting are extremely important because we will be able to find the perfect career and be rich and buy houses and cars and love. And then you do what they say and you end up rich and you buy all these things and you’re happy for a while. And maybe you even like what you do. And you have happy children who do happy children things. And life seems great.

But what if you find something that you like more? What if what you had suddenly seems forced upon you and you want to escape from it… but really you can’t because you’ve already manifested yourself in it and you know nothing else and you’re terrified of losing what you’ve been building up to your whole life? What if you never got to be the most authentic you because society told you that it would be a lie?

Ken Robinson writes in his book The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything that in doing the thing you love, you get to feel like your most authentic self. You find that time passes differently and that you are more alive, more centered, and more vibrant than at any other time. Doing what you love takes you beyond the ordinary experiences of enjoyment and happiness. We’re not talking about parties and sunsets and good times or laughter or beer. When people do what they love, they connect with something fundamental to their sense of identity, purpose, and well-being. It provides a sense of self-revelation, of defining who you really are and what you’re really meant to be doing with your life.

One of the most important things to embrace is the diversity of intelligence. If you don’t embrace the fact that we think about the world in a variety of ways – ways often different from those around us – you severely limit your chances of establishing yourself.

Sometimes the challenge comes from within – from the lack of confidence and the fear of failure. Taking a different path may also not comply with the rules and the expectations set by those around you. If you don’t have the encouragement to pursue what you love, perhaps it is time to connect back with people who are willing to support you. Perhaps you need to leave some people behind. Surround yourself with like-minded company. We were never made to face the world by ourselves. Sometimes you need to leave familiarities behind; take risks. Alan Alda says it best: You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.

One of the greatest things of the modern generation is that we can alter our lives through a simple alteration in our attitude of mind. If you change your mind, you can change your life. Changing your attitude of mind can allow you to become more focused and intent. To live in the moment. To become lost in the experience and perform at your peak. Your breathing changes. Your mind merges with your body. You feel yourself drawn effortlessly to the heart of what you were born to be.

Forget the if and the might and BE something. Happiness really is within your grasp.

Cosmos of mystery

We forget how powerful our minds are

– how easily we can live in fantasy worlds

forced into our minds

by our neglected souls.

Ons vergeet hoe baie ons het om na uit te sien.

Ons vergeet hoe groot alles is

en hoe klein ons is

en hoe daar hierdie kosmos van misterie

vir ons sit en wag

met ope arms.

We continually

and obnoxiously

keep waiting for our lives to begin.

First class

You enter your first English honours class with excitement and an expectant, girlish face in anticipation of the life-enriching, intelligent designs of the English language, its components and its criticisms. And then the professor insists you share why you're taking the course...

Because I want to know more.
Because I've been stuck in an insignificant world where status, money and success are everything.
Because I don't want to be an engineer.
Because I want to share my opinion on the world, on people, on life.
Because, when you read something, you read the person that wrote it.
Because, when you can read the person that wrote it, you can read the world.
Because when you can read the world, you can write about the world.
Because when you can write about the world, you know that you are real.
Because when you are real, you know that you're attempting to change the world.
Because even when your attempts to change the world fail, someone already read what you wrote.
Because when someone read what you wrote, they read you.
Because when someone read you, you know that you made an impact.
Because making an impact - that is what changes the world.