Humility - The key to retaining friendships

One of the main reasons we climb mountains is the idea that reaching the top will have us basking in the triumph of having succeeded in claiming our prize of an awe-inspiring view. Sometimes you find yourself being the one who encourages others to keep climbing with the goal of standing right there at the top with you to take beautiful pictures of your success.

What we always neglect to share about our mountain-climbing endeavours, however, is the trip down. Sure, you were way up there and saw all those nice things and have a really cool picture. But you still had to climb all the way down. And we all know the climbing down part is often harder than getting up there in the first place.

What also struck me is that the climbing down part is so much shorter than the climbing up part. And we often misinterpret things that take up less amount of time as being easy.

I suppose that our daily aspirations work in very much the same way. We run towards things that we think will give us freedom and grant us success. And we run without hesitation because there is no shame in dreaming big and aiming high and hoping for the best.

But nobody likes the person who continually drowns his friends in his abilities and his success. Sure you’re amazing and you've achieved incredible things. But humbleness is a little piece of success in itself.

This is an outcry.

I am asking you with sincere emotion to carry your success with a healthy balance of pride and humility. Invest in your friends as equals who have yet to reach your level of ambition. And encourage them to pursue their talents.

But be humble doing it.

Society

I've recently decided to grow my nails. Never really paying much attention to them, I always cut my nails short to avoid the hassle. Now the look of long nails has grown on me and I even went to the trouble of painting them pink. I must admit they make me feel kind of sophisticated. But pretty as they are, they have really turned most of my everyday tasks into frustrating little chores.

Typing this is quite the hassle. Playing piano defeats the entire purpose of creating beautiful sounds as my nails constantly click click click on the keys. Doing up buttons and handling key chains and putting in contact lenses are all such tough things right now because I’m so adamant at having long, pretty, cutexed nails. The hassle that goes hand in hand with having them has, over the past few days, made me rethink this unnecessary addition to the frustrations of life.

As my mind wandered in the midst of my piano playing, it came to light how many lame and unnecessary things we have and do in life that really just make it harder. And then my thoughts dwelled deeper into how the trivialities we consider important realistically have no true value in life. In turn, I started thinking about how we always try to please people with little things like polished cutlery and fancy teacups. How we try to impress others with new cars and base our personal value on the materialistic things we think other people care about. How some people only drink expensive wine or think themselves too fancy to eat at Wimpy and never walk barefoot because the pedicure they just had was so expensive.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid. When the only problem I ever had was the fact that my mother dressed me in long-sleeved shirts on sunny days. And when the biggest decision I had to make was deciding which tree to climb. Then I remember that even today’s kids are subjected to the materialistic ideal of having the coolest toys and sporting the best brands and calling from the most expensive cellphone because they've been raised in a society where what you have is more important than who you are.

So I am cutting my nails. I am choosing to live simply. I choose to believe that the best way to survive in this world is to be happy with ourselves instead of basing our happiness on what we possess. To wake up in the morning and drive a normal car to a normal job and be happy doing it. Because it’s more important to be who we really are than to expend all our energy on pretending to be something we think they want us to be.

Listen to this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy6iwP9Ux3A

If it were all different...

You wonder what it would’ve been like if you'd made different choices. If you followed different paths. If you

studied something completely different. If you became an artist. Or a musician. If you made different friends and went to different parties and met other interesting people.

You wonder what it would’ve been like if you never broke off the relationship based on incoherent ideas of a future with someone smarter or richer who would make prettier babies. You wonder what would’ve happened if you actually went on that coffee date. If you went to that party. If you kept that weird friend. You wonder what it would’ve been like if you’d upped your standards. If you left someone despite losing the comfort. If you got rid of that subversive friend because you didn’t mind being alone. If you never took the blame for something just to avoid an argument. And never subconsciously started blaming yourself because you believed you did something wrong. If you stood up for yourself despite the punches and scorn for not being like everyone else.

You wonder who you would've become if you were willing to take the risk. If you decided to escape mediocrity. If you spent all your savings to chase what you wanted. If you ran the extra mile. If you sacrificed everything for that one thing that could change everything.

Because hell is when we look back during that fraction of a second and know that we wasted an opportunity to dignify the miracle of life. Even those who didn't do what they could've done... they had their punishment while they were alive by being unhappy...

Universal Human Dissatisfaction

Let’s talk about universal human dissatisfaction. Let’s enunciate the fact that people care about their own happiness too much sometimes to make sacrifices or go the extra mile to serve the happiness of another. Let’s admit for a second that none of us are truly happy enough with our own lives to give up an ounce of that for someone else’s. We’ve all done it. We’re all guilty. But are we ever going to reach a point where we put ourselves second? Where we look past ourselves and sacrifice a little? I’m not talking about spending a week in a township or volunteering to make sandwiches for a meet with the underprivileged. I’m talking about human to human, heart to heart sacrifice… True, sincere caring.

I’ve spent days trying to make peace with this and have concluded that there is just no getting around it. We live for ourselves and that is that. Someone upsets you, you walk away. Someone disappoints you, you walk away. Someone hurts you, you vent. And then you walk away. Because in the end, it’s all about self-preservation. If you’re not looking out for yourself, who will?

The other side of this conversation then goes to self-preservation… which we are all entitled to. I respect your need to care for your own happiness. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Stand up for yourself. Fight for what you want. I am all about sharing likes and dislikes to people’s faces. Leave people behind to serve your ideal. This is your life and you might as well be happy enduring it.

But then you meet these individuals who are the exact opposite of that. Parents, for one… My mother would totally sacrifice the last piece of cake for me. My dad would drive kilometers on end because I locked my keys in my car. Work their fingers to the bone to pay my university bills. I also recently met a lady who exhausted all options to help me achieve something that serves no gain for her at all. I don’t believe I deserve any of it. I didn’t do anything to gain her confidence or trust in me and yet her kindness fell onto my plate and I am filled to the brim with blessings. Maybe, now, it’s my turn to turn the tables. The random act of kindness ball just bounced into my court. I have no ball sense but I guess life sort of threw this responsibility into my face and I have to fulfill it. The hardest choice in this matter, I’d say, is deciding who I feel deserves it.

After all the disappointments I had with friendships and people in general throughout my short and tragic life, I am in all honesty at a loss for who deserves the joy ball. I could legitimately count the number of people who have done right by me on one hand. And then I’d probably have to cut off a finger too. Is that my fault because I’ve worried too much about myself, or is it yours for doing the same thing in your own life? Vicious circle?

Choose people who you know would sacrifice for you. Choose people who would endure your faults. People who would laugh with you about your shortcomings. Your lack of skill. Or your absolute failure in karaoke. Because those are the people you, yourself, would sacrifice for. You give what you get and you get what you give and the circle is infinite. Don’t settle for less. You know what you want and you know what you deserve. If you’re willing to do it for them, be sure to know they’d be willing to do it for you. That is where you will find your people. 

What Metallica taught me

Metallica. I guess the first thing that comes to mind when I read or hear or say Metallica is, in all honesty, bad hair, Enter Sandman and scary Mexicans. I went to their concert this week and left there thinking that Metallica is one of the coolest things to have happened to this planet. They started this ideal when they were 16 years old. And despite the trouble with all the bass players and despite the fact that, today, they are actually old grandpas jumping around to heavy rock, they still play every show like it’s their first. And they’re still as awesome as they were 3 decades ago.

I’m 23 years old and I can’t even stay up after midnight these days. My work schedule and my responsibilities have me thinking that my life has been set out and I might as well start flirting around, find a husband and get a-breedin’. I should probably save up, get an apartment and join a medical aid scheme with retirement benefits and a funeral plan. I find myself settling my mind on doing what I’m doing now for the rest of my life. And then I see these old men bouncing on stage and my entire viewpoint switches. They've been living the dream for about 33 years. And still, after every show, the four of them lock arms, wave at the crowd, and smile with pride and in awe of the effect they have had on thousands of people that night.

So why am I still sitting in this office running towards a mediocre life? Why do I get home every night and look at pictures of the world on pinterest if I could be out there exploring it? Why do I lock my mind on a stable life if the unstable ones are so much more exciting and fulfilling and enriching? I’ll tell you why.

Because we are born and raised in a world with tunnel vision. And the light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train ready to hit you with responsibilities and disappointments. Because we live in a world where experience trumps education. Where getting ahead is only possible when you have the connections. And where making a true success is dependent entirely on your own creative skill and perseverance and commitment. So right now, the world is my oyster and I am gonna eat it. No matter how nauseating and downright disgusting it is.

The darkest hour will only come if we refuse to flower the light that has always burnt bright inside us. So decide, what would you die for? Then live every moment of your life like you were born into this life just to save it. There has never been a bomb built that could wilt the petals of your power when you allow yourself to bloom. When you bloom, there will be no room for anything else. So you’ve been curled up and sad? Good. Depression is the first blessing. It means you’ve been in tune. But now the moon is waiting for you to burn bright and there has never been a time when your light was needed more. Never a time like this before. – Andrea Gibson